Fun fact for you: this blog post was written approximately 1.5 hours ago. I had no clue what to write about all week, but for some reason, I wasn’t too stressed about it. Usually, if I don’t have a post by Monday, I’m panicking, but oddly enough, I was very zen about it this week. Inspiration would strike eventually!

…and when it didn’t, one of my coworkers suggested that I write about banana pudding. My boss made banana pudding at work this week, and after expressing my feelings on the topic, my coworker thought it might be a good topic to write about.

This seems like the perfect week to write about banana pudding since blogging buddy Bill Fonda called out my love of steak fries on Twitter this weekend…

Make sure they’re the big, thick steak fries, since they’re @renataoleo’s favorite!

— Bill (@a_silly_place) May 1, 2022

Becki, this one’s for you!

I can see why some people don’t love banana pudding, and I can understand that people might not like the snot-like texture of pudding. But I disagree. I love eating snot. Eating snot is not just for children, but also for full-grown adults who love that consistency. Yummy yummy.

Any time there is any flavor of pudding available to me, I start salivating at the thought of how slimy it will be. I mean, have you seen how goopy pudding is? Why can’t all foods be as goopy as pudding? Don’t you wish that candy canes were that goopy? Or hoagies? Or hot wings? When I become president someday, I will insist that all foods have a pudding consistency. Nothing else.

Nothing.

Else.

Then, we take something amazing like pudding and make it even better by adding the best fruit for a smoothie: bananas. Any time I can add bananas to something, it’s a good time.

I love banana-flavored everything: Runts, AirHeads, ice cream, lotion, mints, sodas, hand sanitizer, shampoo, nail polish, salsa, everything. Banana flavoring is the best and is not at all repulsive to me. Give me banana-flavored everything any day of the week. I wish that my water was banana flavored. I wish that the air I breathe was banana flavored.

So now you’re going to tell me that I can have lumpy bits of old bananas inside my already-amazing pudding?

No, life can’t be this good. Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

Most people even serve banana pudding with another delicious snack, some form of vanilla cookie. Everyone knows that vanilla everything is superior to chocolate. Chocolate cookies? No thank you, not for me. In fact, I prefer the Oreo creme to the chocolate cookie part. I don’t even understand why they make chocolate. Is there a point? Everyone just wants to eat vanilla.

Mmmmm I don’t know about you, but after writing this, I just want a goopy slop of pudding full of lumpy, old bananas on top of a bed of boring vanilla cookies. 

Lucky for you, I have a banana pudding recipe below that is sure to taste like banana pudding! Check it out and make it for your next visit to your in-laws!

Ingredients:

• 9 old, nasty bananas
• 6 banana slugs
• Sugar, probably?
• Cookies that you’re trying to get rid of
• Cream cheese

Instructions:

1. Buy 9 bananas, then wait a week until they’re brown and make your locker smell bad (I don’t recommend keeping them in a locker, but bananas just turn up there sometimes).

2. Go into your garden and gather 6 of the slimiest slugs you can find. The slimier the better.

3. Mash up slugs in a bowl.**

4. Mash up bananas in a bowl and add in the sugar. Just add sugar to taste. Or salt, I guess, if you’re trying to be fancy. The slugs would love that.

5. Mix cream cheese in with the mashed-up slugs.

6. On second thought, don’t waste cream cheese on this. Use it for something better.

7. Combine the slugs and banana-and-sugar-or-salt mixture together. Fold in carefully and do not overmix. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

8. Layer mixture with whatever cookies in the house you’re trying to get rid of. Those vanilla Oreos, probably? Perfect.
   
   9. Serve to all of your enemies.

You. Are. Welcome.


**Seriously, don’t do this. Don’t hurt slugs. That’s bad.




Photo by Louis Hansel on Unsplash