276 Thoughts I Had While Watching the First Season of The Santa Clauses

Welp, it’s that time of year again. The time where I watch something Christmas-themed and have way too many thoughts and feelings about it. Two years ago, I wrote about The Grinch and last year, I wrote about Olive, the Other Reindeer. Since they’re some of my most read and searchable posts, I wanted to do another this year, and the new Disney+ series The Santa Clauses just needed to be it.

These posts are already a bit challenging to write, so this year, I decided to write them about an entire season of a series rather than a movie. You know what they say…when there’s something you find extremely challenging, find a way to make it even harder!

So gather your family and/or friends (I watched this with my family, so you get a bit of extra commentary you didn’t ask for in here…you’re welcome!), open up your Disney+ so you can watch along, and prepare to read 276 ~~reasons why I love Betty~~ thoughts I had while watching the first season of The Santa Clauses!

Episode 1: Good to Ho

Is it too much to wish he uses the quote “…and tomorrow, I’m getting a CAT scan!”
Or “Veronica…very nice…”
Anyone else wonder why he didn’t say “naughty” there in the first place?
Oh look, Kal Penn…cue my dad asking every 10 minutes “Where’s Harold?”
Aaaaand he’s a non-believer working his people on Christmas Eve. Classic.
“Marauders?” Seriously?
In the words of my parents calling out every Christmas movie cliche… “OF COURSE the mother is dead!”
Is it just me or is this cruller scene gratuitously long?
List is getting shorter, no one believes in Santa, Amazon offers free two-day delivery…yep, same-old, same-old.
Ooooh there’s the throwback.
“Santastic?” …eh, I was going to mock it, but it actually has a nice ring to it.
Of course Sara is in her early 30’s and still lives at home…like all of us millennials!
Wait, is that Penney from happy endings?
Yep, yep it is.
Ah-mah-zing
Oh Santa’s magic isn’t working now! Shocker…what…?
Aw, don’t you want to just pinch Cal’s cheeks and say you remember watching the third movie and haven’t seen him since he was an infant?
Yes Santa, despair is an odor, trust me, I am quite familiar…
THE THEME. WHY!? WHY THAT THEME!? IT’S THE WORST AND SO CREEPY.
The fingerprints joke is my favorite so far. If they were my fingerprints, they’d undoubtedly leave a Buffalo sauce trail.
…wait, do Mrs. Claus’ not have names? Should I have noticed that sooner? Although, the Mrs. Claus in Year Without a Santa Claus was a badass, name or no. A hill I am truly prepared to die on.
Hmmm…would Harry Styles make a good Santa? Definitely an interesting thought experiment.
Well…this rewrite of Girls Just Wanna Have Fun is…
…
…cheesy? Painful? Disturbing?
Wait, do gnomes lie? Don’t they mostly just tend to gardens? And use mushrooms as umbrellas?
I love how every time they bring up the last Santa’s death, they basically insinuate that Scott murdered him.
The Mrs. Claus thing is gonna be a thing, isn’t it?
Exactly what I was thinking, Santa!
That’s also how Dan escapes conversations.
“We’re both science people…” → How I interact with people since I got my Neuroscience degree and haven’t looked at a research paper since.
This Santa physical is really the body positivity I needed this holiday season…
Ahhh “body-shaming”…this is where the PC language starts.
Can I add this version of “Eye of the Tiger” with the jingle bells to my phone?
Santa looks like every dad munching on a turkey leg in Disney World
PC remark 2.
“Good to Ho” …yeah, I can’t make that joke on this blog.
PC remark 3.
Wait, didn’t we already try labeling everyone as “nice” in Fred Claus?
And remark 4.
So I’m all about the Edie new world order…I can’t believe I’m not the only one who thinks of all cats as girls and all dogs as boys…I wonder if she also feels as though even numbers are feminine and odd numbers are masculine…
Betty is easily the best part of the show…everyone sees that, right? But I do love Betty and Noel together, too.
AND Betty is willing to assert her dominance as his boss? She’s a badass.
Deer…in hipster fedoras…
“Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse.” – Stanley Hudson, The Office
Fun fact: the song “Pop Muzik” has been stuck in my head since my mom played it on September 17th of this year. SO THANKS FOR REINFORCING THAT.
Yeah, Hassan! Didn’t you know that a joke was a bad idea? C’mon!
And again, Hassan? Jeez…
Sometimes, the only way to make up for your bad jokes is to electrocute yourself…
You and me both, Hassan. You and me both.
Another Santa falling off a roof. You know, come to think of it, you’d think it would actually happen more often?

Episode 2: The Secessus Clause

Good question, Carol! I wonder what the other bad codes are? Puppies? Rainbows? Curly fries?
And the response to the Code Sprinkles is in the middle of a cupcake? That’s it. I’m making Dan buy me cupcakes and hide the answers to all of my problems in them.
A ripped sack joke. Of course. Talk about low hanging fruit, eh?
Please don’t unsubscribe.
Noel needs to work on his attachment issues.
Another clause…yep, that tracks.
Wait…is “just sitting around and yelling at the TV” considered retirement? I do that every day and still work…I feel like I’ve been duped somehow.
I’m guessing Mrs. Claus doesn’t wear jeans?
Is that Mrs. Claus beating a reindeer with a rolling pin?
What is everyone’s obsession with the fact that Santa is in his pajamas? I work from home…I LIVE in pajamas. No judgment here, Santa.
No worries, Betty. Same here.
Derogatory gnomes mention 2.
Betty. Coming in clutch. As always.
Charlie!? Is Charlie in this!?
I love Kal Penn bringing his daughter in to do pitches. She could sell me anything.
Oh good aspirin joke…using that on Dan later.
I used his yacht. I’m not sorry about the nacho smell.
Is Kal Penn supposed to be the new Jeff Bezos?
Wait…is that really the guy who played Charlie?
We checked, it is.
Oh…yeah, she has no idea that he’s Santa.
Yeah, probably a good call, Charlie.
That “warm” joke was painful.
If they never show us what happened after Santa left Charlie’s house, I am completely giving up on this show.
Cider o’clock. Betty is the COOLEST.
“Steadfast intensity” new band name, I call it.
Make Betty Santa and the ruler of the world. I’m here for it.
“Time-worn overstuffed armchair” new band name, I call it.
Ice fishing definitely sounds like a punishment to me.
Do they have cars in the North Pole? Like I think it’s safe to assume Cal didn’t learn to drive using a Subaru Forester or a Honda Civic?
Hmmmm…sounds like foreshadowing…
Anyone else wonder what parents think when the kids in these movies get gifts from Santa? Are they not confused at all?
We all knew that he was going to be jealous because of Santa, right? No one was fooled by that?
Noel’s self-awareness is impressive.
Okay, that can’t mean what I think it means.
Yep, that’s what I thought.
“O, holy fright” new band name, I call it!
Callback to the 2nd movie! Love that.
Where’s my CAT scan line?
Smooth, Noel.
Oh, Betty definitely has a binder of Noel replacements. I wonder if Harry Styles made that list.
If anyone thinks that what Cal is doing is weird, you had better never have played Stardew Valley or Animal Crossing or Farmville. The only weird part about it is that it’s Kansas.
Oof, swing and a miss on that one. That hurt.
Wait, braces made of sugar are an option? Why didn’t I get those back when I was 14!?
“I guess I can learn how to…uh…people.” Sandra is me every time I try to interact with people.
Having to pay for waffles is truly terrifying.
So do all Santa Claus’ need to have the initials SC?

Episode 3: Into the Wobbly Woods

Okay, I need that sweater.
Ahhh the days before technological built-in obsolescence…
You know it’s a good burn when everyone thinks it’s a joke and you just stare blankly at them asking them why they’re laughing.
So question: what are the odds you end up eating a marshmallow pillow while you’re sleeping on it?
Savage, Carol. But also true. I’ve seen those puppets.
Is it just me or is Cal giving Michael from The Good Place?
Oh, I think Peyton Manning would be a good Santa.
Although he doesn’t have the initials SC. So how would that work?
Damn straight, you don’t pull the Garland.
Betty just. Cracking. That. Whip. Just sleigh-ing left and right.
Eh? Eh?
Please, PLEASE don’t unsubscribe.
Have you ever spent gridlock getting to know the person in the next car? Me, neither.
Nutty fudgy teacakes sound better than actual NFTs
Also, this is where I had to explain what NFTs were to my parents and fiancé…the only issue is that I don’t totally understand them?
I want to be Betty when I grow up.
In the immortal words of Yzma, “Why do we even have that lever?”
Wait, I need to see the gif.
I will also do pretty much anything for someone calling me “Cool.”
Was he drinking maple syrup? How Canadian.
This scene has almost as many puns as the rest of the show combined. Almost.
“That’s wonderful and kind of annoying since I’d already formed an opinion about you.” Damn, we need a word in English for this feeling.
La Bufana makes me feel right at home and makes me want to read “Strega Nona.”
What, she’s a witch just because she lives out in the woods…in a cottage…away from people…? Wait, do I want to be a witch?
So. Santa found my dream journal. Weird.
Is it just me, or does Sandra know more about boats than she should for someone who mainly travels by reindeer?
I love the life lesson here. Learning to go with the flow and keep an open mind about opportunities that present themselves. But I’ve gotta do it right…gimme one sec, gonna go push someone off a roof.
Seems inappropriate that Kal Penn and Grace are discussing that while the Clauses are, like, right there?
Better hives than ringworm!
The coat not wanting to be in his hands couldn’t possibly be foreshadowing…
But actually, why would they make Kal Penn Santa when he’s a greedy jerk? Should’ve hired Peyton Manning.
Also, I have yet to learn Kal Penn’s name in this show, and at this point, I refuse.
But I’ll bet his initials are SC.
Betty and Noel are truly #couplegoals
Okay, what’s up with all of the music? Seems unnecessarily cringey.
Betty coming in with the legendary eye roll about something innocuous.
“Just a bit off in the most exquisite way” is how everyone has described me since I was born.
See!? This is why the music was a bad idea!
Elf magic makes your hair good when you just wake up? And where do they sell that, exactly?
Oh no, they can’t tell who he is.
“A guy named Ron?” Might be my favorite line in the show so far. Let’s be honest, it works.
Greg didn’t hit the same.
Oh I love this new genre…Christmas music with a foreboding tone. If all of the songs were like this, I wouldn’t mind as much.

Episode 4: The Shoes off the Bed Clause

Why is it that in every movie and show, everything that elves eat/make is full of sugar?
Oh hey! That foreshadowing I was talking about earlier!
A robbery in the North Pole? Would they believe that? Really. When was the last time there was theft in the North Pole? What do you take them for, Kal Penn, gnomes!?
Well that’s not creepy, Scott.
Approximately 10% less complicated than your average Starbucks order.
Two words that I never want to hear again: Corporate synergy.
Grace is the best hype person ever.
Something tells me that the North Pole doesn’t have an HR department.
Betty is me trying to calm myself down after every minor inconvenience that life throws at me.
That’s right, Carol! You be the Alaskan bush pilot you always needed as a young girl!
It’s funny how the traditional high school cliques in shows and movies have changed over the years.
Sometimes you just need your emotional support rabbit and turtle.
I wonder how much research she did into what being a bush pilot is like. I would never be able to get away with something like this for the same reason I can’t write fiction: I hate research! Also, I’m a terrible liar.
Cessna. I guess she did do her research. And so did I since I had to Google what that was (and I only knew how it was spelled because of the subtitles).
So here’s the thing. I get the whole “left normal life in the 90s” schtick, but shouldn’t Santa know that it switched over to DVDs and Blu-ray since kids stopped asking for VHS tapes and started asking for those instead?
Damn, these elves are not very tolerant.
I should’ve been taking a count on “crazy eyes” mentions at this point. I think we’re at 3 for Kal Penn?
More importantly…this can’t be good…
Crazy eyes mention number probably-three + 1.
Cal is really nailing this “normal human” act.
60 year olds and millennials.
Wait, do walruses love belly rubs?
Fun fact: the Google results I found are from 2017.
They do, in fact, like belly rubs.
I repeat, this can’t be good…
Hard agree, Noel.
Ohmygod, Betty and Noel are the CUTEST.
Is this…”Shots” by LMFAO? If so, I’m glad the soundtrack is finally turning around.
It’s like Elon Musk taking over Twitter.
In that case, I’ve had the blue flu before as well. Every Tuesday night.
Oh Betty, I can tell you exactly when to watch It’s a Wonderful Life. Never! Fixed it for ya.
His name is Simon? Good to know.
Gnomes again, damn. I think we’re at 3?
That’s not French. Well…“très” is.
I don’t like Noel away from Betty 🙁
Jeez, everything is open concept now…
I wonder what issue the reindeer had with the holiday special.
HOW DARE YOU COME AFTER BETTY! Definitely the worst thing he’s done…worse than destroying Christmas BY FAR.
Noel does not sound like a “one-too-many” kinda guy…am I wrong?
Oh wow, Scott became an ~~Amazon~~ EverythingNow driver? I’m with you, Noel, I don’t like it. Sus, as the kids would say.
“Fake Santa Simon” or FSS for short. Or, you know, Kal Penn.
Why is Noel considered Santa’s “number 1” and not Betty? I mean, either way, power couple of the century.
Oh, sorry, millennium.
I will never not be charmed by Noel’s holiday song puns.
Snowmen can…commit…suicide?
WHAT KIND OF MONSTER? THANK YOU, NOEL!
Are tinker toys still a thing? I guess they are for a Santa who thinks VHS tapes are still a thing…
Is this an ad for the next Die Hard?
Oof, I feel like I should not be so familiar with the “9pm sigh.”
Scott is such a supportive husband (you know, this time around). I love that for him.
I can still hear him telling Charlie that him and his ex-wife fighting was her singing and it sounded like cats.
She sure isn’t kidding about the cheap waxy advent calendar chocolate.
NOT EDIE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
“Commence panicking!” – me, every day I wake up
The Betty disrespect is unreal and disgusting. More disgusting than eating pillows made of marshmallow after you put your greasy head on them.
…which I would probably still do anyway, but y’know.
When everything’s going wrong, go talk to the Italian witch. Words to live by.
LA BUFANA IS THE NEW SANTA! Wow, what a twist.
Who, Betty!? WHO!?

Episode 5: Across the Yule-verse

Oh, that’s who – Bernard! The best part of every Santa Clause movie.
…and the sassiest
Elf…rumspringa…?
I do love their repartee though…
IT’S JERRY…Terry? Garry?
That’s it, I’m calling my impostor syndrome “the Santa blues” from now on.
Yep, it’s always acid reflux. Take it from me, I’m an expert.
Get a TB test! That’s this show’s version of “and tomorrow I’m getting a cat scan” welp, we made it. The show can end now.
I love him fangirling over the past Santas.
Trying to name it is such a Renata move.
Oooh a flashback…I’ve seen this one…the dad brings him veal because he doesn’t have a job. Then it’s Niagara Falls. Wait…no, wrong movie.
Something tells me that Bernard and I would be buds.
The Yule-Verse is somehow the cheesiest part yet? Impressive.
Yes, I hate that I called it that.
“The less talking clause.” Classic.
WAIT WAIT WAIT…the first human Santa? That’s a pretty cool twist! Makes a bit more sense now that the last Santa evaporated into thin air when he fell off the roof.
“Was he writing from 1987?” is giving “She has a flip phone. She’s either a time traveler or poor.” from New Girl.
YES BERNARD! Tell ‘em what for.
Oh no, we’ve lost him. The Yule-verse is making Bernard cheesy, too.
Aaaaaaaand he’s back.
It’s the kid!
Christmas was the mom’s favorite time. That sounds about right.
Oh and now a flashback to humanize Kal Penn.
Aaaaaaaand we’re back to Kal Musk. Elon Penn. Santa Elon Musk Claus.
Loss of the marshmallow pillows is definitely the worst loss…second only to Betty being fired.
Now his family’s giving him crap. I swear, I love this family.
The acid reflux again. Amazing. This is so relatable. Do I also have powers? DO THE POWERS COME WITH THE ACID REFLUX!?
I love that they’re all on the same wavelength.
Dan: “Is that you when you bring home ice cream?” Me: “No, that’s you.”
Damn straight, Noel! At this point, Betty is the most important person in my life, too.
Good point, Cal. How would that work? She would have a name at least?
What is up with this sheep game!?
So I know they’re making fun of Amazon but legit that is how fast and impulsively I buy clothes.
I love how sweet Betty is with Grace.
Oh no. Betty has acid reflux too.
This is where Dan goes, “Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good.”
I’m just going to spend the rest of the show in denial that Betty is gone, don’t mind me.
Don’t worry Riley, I’ve had several guys I’ve dated go away to the North Pole. Wait…
I just realized his “tinfoil” hat is a Hershey’s kiss.
“Naysayer” Most terrible joke in the show. And that’s a high bar.
You never pull the garland! I told you, you should’ve gone with Peyton Manning!
I have to say, as half-baked as this plan seems, Carol really does believe in her kids. I respect that.
I love that Sandra got him off the ground with a cute affirmation. “I treasure youuuuu!”

Episode 6: A Christmas to Remember

“WHATS A CLATTER?” Whoops, wrong movie.
Oooh soup season. Should it concern me how much I’m vibing with the Italian witch who loves sequestered in the woods…?
Well, now I want to hear all of Gary’s story.
Damn, that Hershey kiss hat really doesn’t do him any favors in the thought department.
There it is. The snap.
Noel is a whole vibe.
Ouch! I felt that.
Yes, the kazoo is torture.
“Anti-climagic” amazing.
Oh wow, the hat actually did something!?
THROWBACK!
And now there’s a debate in my living room about red vs black licorice. I’m team red. Well, I’m team pull-and-peel Twizzlers.
“Do not try to distract us with tender feelings.” – me, every time Dan says something nice to me.
I love that she finally has an outlet for this rage that’s been building all season. Feels like there’s actually a reason for it now.
Drone group therapy. Dig it.
AHHHHHHHHHH. Crap, that’s creepy.
That’s hot, Carol.
The showdown theme is so perfect.
“Son of a biscotti!” This is the only curse us Italian-Americans use. Well, this and various fruits and vegetables.
Wait, can the quote be destroyed?
Grace sees through you!
Scott jumping in with the understanding. Love all the feels in this series. The empathetic, only-slightly-sickeningly-sweet feels.
Yeah, sure, he hasn’t been around and ruined Christmas for the entire planet, but did he miss your first grade graduation?
It’s okay, Kal Penn, I also have absolutely zero tact.
And this is where we go to very sickeningly sweet.
WHERE’S BETTY? GIVE ME BACK BETTY.
The fact that La Bufana didn’t make fun of the name “Yule-verse” has ruined this show for me.
So they’re saying all these sweet nicknames, but they just sound like the names of elves? Are there elves with those names thinking they’re being summoned?
Okay, this sickening sweetness I like.
I love that being Santa is now a family affair.
We’ve been calling the reindeer the wrong names this whole time!? There are some songs and movies that need a rewrite…
My girl Betty is EVERYWHERE.
And his girlfriend is the only one in the living room when Cal drops down the chimney? Convenient…
“What could go wrong?” “What have we done?” Hmmmm seems like that will be answered next season…

Whew! As per usual, I have a lot of feelings on this show. Let me know in the comments if you’ve watched it and what you thought! Have a happy New Year, everyone! See you in 2023!