person writing 2023 in the sand on the beach near the ocean

Bring on 2023!

Okay, so I know that we still have a couple weeks of 2022, but I’ve been struggling to write recently, and I’ve realized that’s because…

Well, I’m just not feeling the Christmas spirit this year.

I know, I know. This is where the audience gasps and people faint. Renata? Not excited for Christmas? Renata!?

For the record, though, it doesn’t seem like I’m the only one who feels that way. This is a sentiment that I just keep hearing from people everywhere, even people who love Christmas as much as I do — something feels different this year. I’ve been listening to Christmas music since September, but it just doesn’t feel Christmas-y. I know, weird.

My immediate instinct is depression. As someone with high-functioning depression. I don’t always know that I’m depressed. I’m just working one day, minding my own business, assuming I’m fine when it just clicks.

Oh sure, I’ve been sleeping more.

I’ve been eating nothing but snacks.

Writing brings me stress and no joy.

I’m listening to one, single song on repeat.

Something as simple as posting on Twitter is too much work.

I can’t text my friends because I can’t say anything interesting and just keep responding with generic answers (seriously, I just texted two different people “Hahaha I love that for you”).

What? Depressed? Me!? No, that doesn’t make sense. I’m not depressed, I’m just…

Well I’ll be damned, maybe I am depressed…

Besides my general bleh feelings, it also seems like there just isn’t much Christmas-y stuff going on. Our house isn’t decorated for Christmas because at the end of November, we learned that there was water in our crawlspace. All of our time that would’ve typically been spent trimming the tree and decorating the house was instead spent navigating giant boxes in our living room and going through them to see what forgotten items from our past we could throw out or donate.

RIP my Rugrats in Paris orange VHS tape.

Now that we’ve sorted through everything and (most of) the boxes are gone, we have the trees up but not decorated, but now a cold is going through the house, so we’re still not feeling very festive. While my mom usually starts Christmas cookies this week, she can’t because she’s not feeling so great. No decorations, no fresh cookie smell, no acid reflux attack due to cookie consumption. Bummer.

So depression and lack of general holiday cheer are definitely partially to blame, but I think one of the main reasons that I’m not excited for any end-of-the-year festivities is that I’m just extremely excited for 2023. Well, somewhat excited, somewhat just ready to get to it.

As you may know, I’m pretty impatient. Especially when there is impending change, I just feel like I want to get it over with already! I’m not the best with change, so if it’s coming, let’s just make it quick (and let’s just do all of the changes at once and get them over with).

Dan and I went on vacation last week, and we spent our final dinner away discussing 2023 and how big it’s going to be. For me and Dan specifically, I believe that by the end of next year, we’ll definitely be moved out of my parents’ house and into our own place. I know I said that for several years now, but this year is different, I swear!

In the past, we’ve had several difficulties finding a house that we like. The primary issue was the housing market, which seems to be cooling off currently. Whew! In addition to the market being expensive, it was also a seller’s market where houses were scooped up within days of being listed. As someone who’s not great with change, this never appealed to me. I just can’t see looking at a house, placing an offer, and moving in all within a week. Even thinking about that breakneck pace makes me start to hyperventilate.

Plus, even if I could handle the high prices and the ridiculously quick pace, the fact remained that I just couldn’t find any houses that I really, genuinely liked. There was something wrong with each and every one for me. I realistically knew that I would eventually feel at home in any house, but still, none of them felt quite right. I was the Goldilocks of half-assed house hunting.

One day a few months ago, my mom suggested that Dan and I look for a modular home instead of looking for a house on the market. The more research we did, the more I liked the idea. It would be a totally new home, it would allow us to take our time, it was a cheaper option and it wouldn’t mean being at the mercy of the market. Then, we found a model we absolutely loved and I got even more excited. I’ve never been this excited about finding a home and moving out, ever. So naturally, now that we’ve decided to go modular and found a home we like, I’m ready to just DO THE DAMNED THING.

But the fact remains that we still need to find land and do the zoning thing…and probably other things that I have no idea we need to do. Thank goodness for my support system! Also, Dan and I were waiting for me to have a stable job in order for us to get a loan and buy a home. Since I lost my full time job back in September 2021, I haven’t had one steady, full-time job. This has complicated things on the house front.

That being said, another reason I’m excited for 2023 is that my job situation should change, and only for the better! I can’t go into too much detail, but I should be securing a full-time position early in 2023 as well as possibly becoming a co-founder of a startup! Exciting times over here!

Speaking of large professional milestones, my first book will be coming out at the beginning of 2023. I’m not quite sure when yet, but I am determined to get it out before my birthday at the end of February…WHEN I TURN 30! Regardless of all the other huge life changes going on, this would still be a big year for me. I’m just baffled that I’m that freaking old.

I’m turning 30. How wild is that…?

I almost didn’t write anything this week since I wasn’t feeling super Christmas-y, but I figured, hey, why not write about how I don’t feel super Christmas-y! Is everyone else feeling this way, too? I would love to know if it’s just me and my circle…

I am still planning on posting next week (my family and I recently watched the first season of The Santa Clauses and that show is just begging to be a blog post), but we shall see. Send over some Christmas wishes and holiday vibes for me! Happy holidays, all!

Photo by Engin Akyurt

8 thoughts on “Bring on 2023!

  1. I’m also not in the Christmas-y spirit. I keep doing my regular holly-jolly things hoping they will get me more excited, but they all have felt more like chores. I’m excited to give my gifts to my family, but I’m ready for the new year to begin. Maybe our holiday cheer will return to us next year in full force. Happy holidays friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Right!? It’s so strange but it seems to be the prevailing opinion that Christmas this year just doesn’t feel very Christmas-y. Agreed, I’m hoping that next year is just Christmas spirit everywhere 🎄😍 Happy holidays to you as well!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Also… both my childhood home and my current home was/is modular builds and I’ve gotta say, I’m a big fan. Excited for your home buying/building process!

        Liked by 1 person

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