IT IS TIME FOR ANOTHER CAPTAIN’S QUIZ!

*Cue the Hallelujah chorus*

As the reigning champion of Paul’s Captain’s Quizzes, there was no way I wasn’t jumping at this opportunity to compete again. As per usual, Paul delivered with some fun questions! Who knows what he’s looking for in the answers? Only he does! Who will win? Only one way to find out…

1. Question: You are going camping at a campground for four days and three nights. Does this excite you, or fill you with dread? Explain.

Answer: It fills me with dread, easily. Not a huge fan of bugs or dirt or pooping outside (or in a shared space). I also struggle with things like relaxing and not being near internet access. HOW WILL I SHARE THE SPONGEBOB MEMES THAT NEED TO BE SHARED!? TELL ME. HOW!?

2. Question: They say that, “Sally sells seashells by the seashore”. How much money do you think Sally makes on a Saturday in July, and do you think her business should be set up elsewhere?

Answer: This one is challenging because it depends on a few things: how cute Sally is, how good of a salesperson she is, if she’s doing anything special with the shells (like painting them), how rare the shells she’s selling are, how much she’s selling her shells for, and how many shells are on the beach that day for passersby by to collect on their own.

But, to match the alliteration, she must make sixty-six dollars and seventy-six cents! Ideally, she would be able to set up somewhere without shells, like the Midwest or Antarctica.

3. Question: The ideal temperature for sleep is approximately 18°C (65°F). What are five tips you have for staying cool while sleeping?

Answer: 

1. Sleep alone. If someone is in bed with you, kick them off the bed or annoy them until they leave.
2. Buy cooling sheets!
3. Use a fan at night, unless you don’t like the feeling of air blowing on you and your hair moving everywhere and feeling as though there’s a bug on your head all night.
4. Don’t have any hormones. Hormones screw everything up.
5. Sleep on a huge block of ice.

4. Question: In Season 4 of The O.C., Summer Roberts adopts a pet rabbit and names her Pancakes. What animal would you adopt and what breakfast food would you name it after?

Answer: Part of me wants to answer that I would have an interesting pet like a phoenix or an otter, but everyone knows that I would end up with a puppy that I could snuggle (a hair dog, of course). I would name her Croissant, obviously. I love croissants more than anything.

5. Question: SummerSlam is an annual professional wrestling event produced by the WWE. Thinking of yourself as a wrestler, provide the following information: your wrestling name, your character traits, your catchphrase, and the name of your most devastating maneuver.

Answer: When I was on OK Cupid, my name was “Undercut Rapunzel” (editor Josh’s idea), so I guess I would have to be “Uppercut Rapunzel” here. My hair would be alive like princess Entrapta from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power and I would use it to strangle people. My catchphrase would be “Someone’s having a BAD HAIR DAY!” And my devastating maneuver would be called “Splitting hairs” and I would force my opponent into a split using my magic hair.

6. Question: What is a frozen dessert you enjoy eating outside? On a scale of 1-10 (10 being the messiest), how messy is it?

Answer: Chocolate custard in a cake cone. On the messiness scale, it might be a 2, because I typically eat it too fast for it to make a mess.

7. Question: You are standing in an above ground swimming pool and your sunglasses fall to the bottom. How do you retrieve them?

Answer: If there was a child in the pool with me, I would bribe them to get my sunglasses for me…and then never follow through on the bribe. What can I say? I’m wiley.

8. Question: “Walking on Sunshine” is an upbeat song by Katrina And The Waves. What songs would be on your summer playlist?

Answer: Oh! I actually have a summer playlist (it was not posted on this list of playlists I’ve made that I love), but some of my favorites for summer are:

Geronimo by Sheppard

Carry Out by Timbaland (feat. Justin Timberlake)

Magic by B.o.B (feat. Rivers Cuomo)

Only Wanna Be With You by Hootie & the Blowfish

All the Small Things by blink-182

Good Girls Go Bad by Cobra Starship (feat. Leighton Meester)

Tonight Tonight by Hot Chelle Rae

Love Like Woe by The Ready Set

Summerboy by Lady GaGa

Real World by Matchbox Twenty

Beautiful Girls by Sean Kingston

Two Princes by Spin Doctors

Every Morning by Sugar Ray

Riptide by Vance Joy

9. Question: What are the pros and cons of patio dining?

Answer: Pros: If I have people over, I don’t have to invite them into my house. Cons: Bugs, outside, bugs, sun, bugs, pollen, bugs, sweat, and bugs.

10. Question: What is a summer job you have had and how long did you remain friends/in-touch with your co-workers after the job ended?

Answer: I never actually worked in the summer since I worked at schools during the school year, but I did help out with Vacation Bible School for several summers. My friends and I did the morning skits. Each day, after the morning skit was over, we would walk to the convenience store down the street, walk back to the school with as much junk food as we could carry, and spend the next 3 hours pretending to practice for the next day’s skit while we mostly just sat around and laughed together. They were my friends before that, and they’re still my friends. We’re actually doing trivia together tonight. Wish us luck!

BONUS QUESTIONS

1. Question: You have entered the food truck business. Tell me about your new venture and your strategy to dominate the market.

Answer: My food truck would be called “Plain and Simple,” and we would sell all of the plain things that you can think of: rice cakes, plain bread, ice cream cones (without the ice cream), communion wafers, plain potato chips…but not vanilla ice cream, because that’s disgusting. 

I would target people who are always being called picky for things that they won’t eat. I would have a mascot called the Plain Jane, who would be on all of our advertisements and she would go to events to represent the bland… I mean brand. I would have a white board on the side of our food truck called the “ComPLAINts Board” where customers could vent about anything in their lives. My slogan would be “Never be called picky again.”

2. Question: You are going on a summer road trip and can take one person with you. It can be absolutely anyone. Tell me about the trip.

Answer: Nicole Byer would be a really fun road trip companion. I feel like she would be easygoing enough not to take control of the entire trip, but she would be down to try all of the fun things. We could stay in different cities where she had done standup, and she could bring us to the best food spots. Plus, she would keep me in stitches the entire time with stories about one of my favorite shows ever (that she hosts): Nailed It!.

3. Question: What are some of your favourite summer memories?

Answer: For several summers in a row, Billy Joel was coming to Philly to play a concert. We made sure to go every single year, and those were some great memories I created with my parents and friends. Some of my favorite memories with my parents actually happened at those concerts. Even the year where some VERY rude people told me and my mom to sit down and stop dancing, the concert still made for a great story!

The summer before my senior year of college, I lived and worked on campus. I lived with Esprit, my friend that I also worked with (which was great!). Before Esprit got to campus, though, my friend Rachel moved in with me for a week so that I wouldn’t be alone, and we had a great time. Rachel and I would play tennis in the morning, enjoy breakfast smoothies, then hang out and watch old Survivor reruns after I was done with work. It was a great time.

As always, these quizzes brighten up my week! Thank you, Paul, and good luck everyone!

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash