I couldn’t resist the temptation to name this article about wrapping presents after my favorite Christmas song. Don’t worry, you don’t have to hear me rap or anything, consider this my present to you all. Happy Holidays! And I’m sure that you’re now going to have that song stuck in your head for at least the next two weeks. You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry to disappoint you guys, but I’m not giving tips like last week. If you have yet to read last week’s article, feel free to take a peek. I promise it will make you laugh (and more than likely get you kicked out of a party). This week’s present wrapping article is going to be about the aggravations and perils of gift wrapping.
I mean, I love it! And it’s great! And I definitely don’t still have nightmares where I wake up screaming “Where is the tape?!”
As per usual, my beef is going to be with wrapping, and not with my own bad habits, because this is my blog, where I am never the problem. You see, every year, I set out with the best gift wrapping intentions…only to get lazy and unmotivated somewhere in the middle and force myself to keep wrapping until I hate it and swear that I’ll never do it again.
You know how it goes, right? You wrap five presents and think, “Wow, I’m doing great, I’m going to treat myself to a Christmas cookie. But only one!” Then as you continue, you find yourself taking more frequent and longer breaks and eating more and more cookies at a time, and what started as Christmas wrapping has turned into Christmas napping. Amirite?
Sorry, I couldn’t help myself…
No big deal, right? Just pace yourself and start wrapping as soon as you buy presents so you can be done in advance! Well, first of all, how dare you assume that I will change to make things easier on myself.
I’m a procrastinator and have been as long as I can remember. There’s just something about the rush of not knowing if you’ll get everything done, then finally finishing just in the nick of time. Gotta love raising your blood pressure to unsafe levels over common, everyday things!
Yet I still wonder every day why I have acid reflux.
Every year, I start out so ambitious. I get out all kinds of different ribbons, complementary gift wraps, colorful tags, and I vow to myself that I will outdo the Renata of Christmas past. The first few gifts are inevitably elaborate. Presents stacked on top of each other, ribbons crossing all around, the works.
But as the day goes on, I tend to get a bit…lazier. To be fair, I’m not sure how anyone could possibly keep up that level of detail when they are twenty cookies in, but I always optimistically think that I’ll be able to.
Oh present Renata, you sweet summer child. Actually, it would be winter since this is Christmas and I was born in February. But I digress…
I start by wrapping the things that are already in boxes, because those are obviously easiest, and everyone knows that bags are a cop-out. Within the first five minutes I lose the tape…then the scissors…then both at the same time. Sounds like a good time for a cookie break.
For things that didn’t come in a box or came from a store without boxes to give out (it’s every present wrapper’s nightmare to hear those awful words, “Sorry, we don’t have any boxes!”), I look around our wrapping stuff to scrounge up some boxes. Inevitably, we have several cardboard boxes lying around that we bought for past Christmas wrapping extravaganzas. The one problem being that:
THE WRAPPING BOXES YOU BUY AT THE STORE CAN NEVER FIT ANYTHING IN THEM.
How? What? Why? I can’t even begin to tell you my confusion about stores selling boxes in bulk that are hardly large enough for baby clothes or a pair of adult socks. No need to sell me more than one, literally ALL of my gifts are bigger than this, and this is just going to tear when I try to use it. Yes, I do this rant Every. Single. Year. Again, no, I will not buy boxes to make my life easier. That’s just what they’d be expecting.
Wow, rants make me tired…should I take an angry nap? Nope, four more cookies and it’s back to work.
Once I’m done feeling fancy and basically just want to get the wrapping over with, everything just starts getting paper, a tag, and a bow. Honestly, that can be a lot too if you’re constantly wrapping and not remembering what you just wrapped or who it was for. In which case, a tag is unnecessary, you’ve already ruined Christmas anyway. Also, the tape has disappeared again, time to search the house for a new roll!
Those gift bags are becoming more and more enticing by the minute. The little devil on my shoulder reminds me how much easier it would be to just use bags. I imagine myself frolicking in the meadow, so happy that I caved and used gift bags!
“It’s just one present,” I say to myself, “no one will have to know…besides me…and the person getting it…and everyone else at the party.”
I mull it over while I woof down six more cookies. I can’t find the tape or the scissors anyway, so bag it is!
I realize quickly that I have underestimated the difficulty of finding a Christmas-themed bag the exact size of the presents that I have left to wrap as well as tags to match those bags. I finally find one bag that I need and reward myself with some cookies. Somehow, the scissors ended up in the cookie jar. No wonder so many cookies are missing, the scissors must have eaten them!
Now that the bag challenge has proven so daunting, the only viable wrapping option seems to be leaving the gifts in the Amazon box that they came in and write a whimsical, “from Santa” on the side. The kids are getting older, they won’t care, right? Wrapped presents are overrated anyway, all the cool kids are getting gifts from Amazon Santa.
Realizing that making “Amazon Santa” a thing that all of the cool kids are indeed doing would take a lot more effort than just wrapping the remaining presents, I finish the last few in a cookie-induced coma. You know what that means? It’s time to go to a family member’s house, eat dinner, open presents, and fall asleep on their couch!
Great, now all of the presents are “wrapped” and I only lost the tape and scissors a handful of times! Now if only I could find the receipts in case someone wants to return something…