‘Twas Christmas Eve Eve and across many blogs,

People were writing about hot chocolates and eggnogs.

The Captain’s Quiz was posted by our good friend named Paul

So that a great Quizmas would be had by all!

And so for the quiz champion title they clamored

This post has the questions and the way Renata answered…

1. Question: Santa Claus is on a health kick this holiday season. Instead of milk and cookies, what snacks would you leave out for him?

Answer: I would probably leave Santa a note letting him know that his body is great the way it is and that he should learn to love himself — it’s okay to want to be healthy, but he doesn’t need to shrink in order to do that! I’d leave him a yogurt parfait but let him know that there are cookies in the cupboard if he changes his mind!

2. Question: Picture your 8-year-old self. You are home alone during the holidays, when burglars try to break in to your house. What do you do?

Answer: Now, I’m a chicken with terrible anxiety, but when I was younger, I was the mother of all schemes. I loved the game Mousetrap. Well…I loved opening the game Mousetrap and putting together the trap without actually playing the game. I would love to set up some fun booby traps, but even when I was little, everything was better with a buddy! I would discreetly call some friends and recruit them to help me make the traps and enjoy the result. Honestly, with how I was as an 8 year old, I probably would’ve written a story about the burglars and/or filmed them discreetly to make a fun video.

3. Question: Have you ever bought a gift for someone else that you wanted to keep for yourself? If so, what was it?

Answer: I thought long and hard about this one, and I could not come up with anything. We’ve given my cousins some nice sweaters and Lululemon leggings over the years that I wouldn’t have minded “misplacing” during the wrapping process…

4. Question: Which would you rather build: a snowman or a snow fort? Explain your decision.

Answer: A snowperson, for sure! I have a whole album on my Facebook photos dedicated to the time that my friends and I built a snowwoman (lovingly deemed “Snowb*tch”). I don’t love being cold, so if I’m going out into the snow, I’m going to need to keep moving if I’m going to be remotely comfortable. Building a snow fort would be fine, but I wouldn’t want to hang out in it afterwards, I would just want to go back inside for hot chocolate, so that kinda defeats the purpose.

5. Question: It is your job to remind others to drive safely in treacherous winter conditions. Write a Public Service Announcement that will play on the radio this winter.

Answer: Ho, Ho, Hold up, folks! Santa here to remind you that your car is not a magical sleigh. As the weather conditions become more and more dangerous this holiday season, be sure to buckle up, drive slowly, and only drive if you have appropriate visibility. Rudolph can’t help drive your minivan!

6. Question: There is a holiday party at your workplace and everyone must bring in one dish of food to share. What are you bringing?

Answer: My mom always bakes like 13 different types of cookies for Christmas, so there’s always plenty to go around (her biscotti are legendary). I would steal some of them and make a cookie tray! In fact, I plan on bringing my coworkers a cookie tray sometime this or next week…

7. Question: Someone got you a hippopotamus for Christmas because you insisted, “only a Hippopotamus will do”. How did they give it to you?

Answer: They just brought it through the front door (that’s the easy thing to do).

8. Question: What advice would you give someone who isn’t good at wrapping presents?

Answer: Tight lines are the secret to a good wrap job. Make sure you’re using the least amount of paper possible to cover the present nicely and crease the paper several times before you fold and tape.

9. Question: In the movie, Home Alone, Kevin McCallister says, “Be sure to bundle up if you go outside. It’s a little nippy.” How do you stay warm when it’s cold?

Answer: When in my house, I am almost constantly under a giant 90in x 90in blanket. I love to bundle up with blankets on the couch, and I rarely will sit without a blanket on. I love holding a hot cup of tea or coffee to warm my hands as well.

10. Question: Are you a Dasher or a Dancer? Why?

Answer: I’m a Dancer, naturally. I love to dance and I’m even a certified Zumba instructor!

BONUS QUESTIONS

1. Question: Santa is about to put you on the naughty list this year. Convince him he’s making a mistake and that you were a good person in 2021.

Answer: Hey Santa, I noticed that you were thinking about putting me on the naughty list and I thought it was a good time for us to sit down and talk about our feelings. I may not have been absolutely perfect this year, but between the depression and joblessness that I’ve had this year, I’m doing what I can. First, I’d love to ask you to define “good.” Does it happen to matter that I completely ignored all of my personal boundaries in order to overwork myself for various clients? No? What about buying friends things and throwing money at our friendship instead of expressing actual emotions? Still no? Damn.

Okay, so I might’ve been joking about all that stuff (unless it worked), but I don’t usually give myself credit for the things that I do! I guess that I listened to my friends and gave them advice when they asked. I laughed with them and cried with them. I shopped local whenever I could (the local coffee shop owner has a Malibu house to prove it). I even started writing my book which will hopefully help people feel less alone and less ashamed. Obviously, if the book is successful and a bunch of people read it, that would help me, too, but who says that doing something good can’t benefit me as well? Just like the milk and cookies you get on Christmas Eve, right Santa? *wink wink*

2. Question: There have been allegations that Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was bullied by his fellow reindeer. The North Pole calls you in to give the reindeer a stern talking-to. What do you say?

Answer: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, thank you for meeting with me today. It has come to my attention that you all are excluding and teasing Rudolph. We cannot tolerate this behavior any longer. We at Santa’s workshop must be of outstanding moral character if we are to expect the same of others. As of right now, you’re no better than the Facebook keyboard warriors bullying people on social media. That’s right, you’re no better than people. That should terrify you. Do better, everyone! Or else they’ll make a terrible song about all of you that will play on the radio incessantly every holiday season.

3. Question: On the television show, The OC, Seth Cohen created Chrismukkah as a way to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah. Meanwhile, on Seinfeld, George Costanza’s family celebrates Festivus – a secular and non-commercial holiday – on December 23. Create your own alternate winter holiday and tell me all about it. What’s it called? What are the traditions? Who can celebrate?

Answer: My holiday is called Rachargmen! It’s all about recharging after the holidays and eating ramen (because I always need ramen). It happens the first Monday after New Year’s Day. For this holiday, you do the opposite of gathering with a crapton of people. You have as few people around you as possible. You can exchange gifts, but only if it’s with those in your immediate circle. It’s tradition to give someone something that will help them get through the rest of the winter. An awesome blanket or their favorite tea would be appropriate! Absolutely every store is closed so that it is impossible to go buy things and you’re forced to relax. All restaurants are closed except for ramen places, of course. Everyone can celebrate! I do understand that the people who run the ramen restaurants will not get a break on this holiday, so they get the week off after my holiday. They deserve off, too! Darn, now I want ramen.

…Then Renata closed her laptop and nodded with a smile,

Excited for the results of Paul’s Christmas-themed trial.

But I heard her exclaim, in an energetic burst

“All my Christmas dreams would come true, if I just come in first!”